I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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