Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There's always time for handjobs
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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