That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
