im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
