At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
