Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize