Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
