He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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