haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
