I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
