I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
