Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
