It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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