i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
