Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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