dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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