Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
