Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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