Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
