If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He kissed a someone with a penis
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
