I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
