she was so not down for the gang bang
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
did i just pee glitter
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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