so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
