You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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