I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
