You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
