dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
