Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
