I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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