Please, let me fuck your mom
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
