WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
