the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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