You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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