saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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