if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
His nipple licking is glorious
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
