If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
