I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
