i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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