Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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