Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
