You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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