I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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