i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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