she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
