It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize