I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
