please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
