I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's rum buckets o'clock
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
