Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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