dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
