The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
