first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize