I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my shit smells like andre
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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