and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize