My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
so much tequila, so little girl.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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