on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
