I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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