He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
