that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
