And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
