I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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