am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
