Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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