Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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