I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
