So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am midnight drunk by noon
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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