He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
