so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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